Bursting at the Seams

Hyperventilating, my whole body trembles at the tear in my chest. Did it really used to hurt this badly? Who knew that this pain was possible? My heart was barely sown together and it took 4 years... Now it's as though nothing really happened. I'm right back where I started. Why would anyone want me right now. I have scars ALL OVER my body... My arms, face, chest, legs, knees, wrist, and permanent dark circles under my eyes are too much for me. I can't deal with this anymore. I am physically hurting so much... The pressure is too much. That knife just dug in deep and twisted painfully before ripping my heart out of my chest and leaving my entire body lifeless on the cold hard ground. No wonder breathing is so hard, no one can breathe without a heart. He took it with him so long ago... That dark hole inside of me never truly went away. Nope, it's still there. My entire body shaking and trembling, when breathing becomes such an effort, I don't care about anything else. I don't care if others care for me or not, I'm so focused on breathing without constantly feeling that stabbing would tearing at my heart. Oh Jen... How are you going to handle any of this? Who are you? Who is the real you...?